i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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