i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
