Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
