I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
