Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
