Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
