my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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