OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
