i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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