I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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