I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
