Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize