Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
did i just pee glitter
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
