took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
