this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
