Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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