he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
