Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
