The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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