I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
