Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
