You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
