Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

No subtext here. People are naked.

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(801): View more from Utah

when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.

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(614): View more from Ohio

So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.

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