but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
