It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
