wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
