i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
