Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
