it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
