Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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