she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
