At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
