So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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