I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
they're like a gay fantastic four
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
