I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
that's an acceptable place to lick
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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