found the other keg... it's in the tree
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
