Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
