Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
