end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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