I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
