If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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