He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
