You're a womanizer and a bitch.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
