We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
