New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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