be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
