i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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