after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
