Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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