You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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