I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
