The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
