Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
