I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
