the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
