doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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