You left your underwear on the fireplace
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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