can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
