I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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