Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
