Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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