get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
