omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
