My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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