my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
