No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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