omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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