i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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