My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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