thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You smell like stripper and shame
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize