The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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