i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
