i think my tv is drunk
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
