Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
